Spectres of the Past, Visions of the Future
by Nanari
Summary: After Ripple Effect, Daniel is troubled by the reappearance of his dear friend. As he struggles to deal with his personal demons, Sam must step in to prevent a horrible tragedy. Very angsty, but it ends happily, so don't despair! DanielJanet if anything.
1. An unsettling day

**What Dreams May Come**

Spoliers for Ripple Effect, season 9.

Author's Note: It's not intended to be a shippy story, but it may look like it at a glance. The only implied relationship here is a very close friendship between Daniel and Sam, and perhaps a bit more-than-just-friends situation between Sam and Jack. Okay, okay, there's a bit of Daniel/Janet fluff, but it's all very vague.

* * *

Daniel took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. Maybe Jack was right, and he should turn on the overhead lights in his office once in awhile. He glanced at the light-switch on the wall and then shook his head. Nah, the fluorescent lights used to illuminate the interior of Cheyenne Mountain gave him worse headaches than just the usual eye strain brought on by long days of translating text. The manuscript he was currently poring over wasn't, for a change, anything to do with either the Goa'uld or the Orii. In fact, it was something a colleague of his had sent to him. It was just a plain old, if exceedingly rare, form of Hebrew which may or may not have significance to Biblical scholars. Regardless, Daniel's Hebrew was a bit rusty, and it had taken him the better part of four hours to translate the entire document to his satisfaction. Now finished for the night, he began packing his bag with a few things he wanted to take home with him, and finally thought about the events which had caused him to turn to the mundane work of translating a Pharisees' private journal. 

He'd seen Janet today. Hugged her, talked to her. Daniel paused in his packing and stared off into space for a moment. You'd think he would have come to expect the unexpected, but nothing had prepared him to see _her _again. She was dead, gone. He had finally made his peace with that, and then now, two years later she appeared out of the Stargate alive and well. He pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to alleviate the headache. After they had seen all the alternate SG teams off back to their respective universes, he had come straight here to the sanctuary of his books and thrown himself into his current project, trying to block out the emotional turmoil raging within him. _Why do all the people I care about end up dead and gone!_ It was a familiar thought, but Daniel had hoped the pain it brought would fade over time. No such luck. First his parents, then Sha're, Sarah, Janet… The list went on, names of comrades and friends. All gone. But they refused to stay away.

Daniel picked up his jacket and headed for the elevator. He had changed out of his BDUs before going to work on the manuscript so now all that was left was checking out of the mountain and driving home. He passed Teal'c in the corridor and called a "good night!" his way. Teal'c did not stop to chat either. It seemed both men were quite tired of company. _Having 18 other versions of yourself in a limited space will tend to do that to a person._ On his way out, Daniel learned that Sam had left only a few minutes before him, courtesy of a friendly guard. He looked at his watch. Surely it couldn't be 11:30 already! He'd swore to himself that he would leave the SGC by 10 at latest, but it seemed that this resolution was likely to fail. So much for getting a full eight hours of sleep. They had a debriefing session at 0800 tomorrow morning and it took more and more coffee lately to get Daniel awake and functioning.

He drove home on autopilot, not really aware of his surroundings. Opening the door to his apartment, he threw his jacket and bag on the sofa and went to the kitchen for a drink. He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and a slight grin crossed his face as he imagined Jack's reaction to the day he'd just had. One thing was certain; the drink in his hand would have been a lot harder. Most likely whiskey or beer. Damn but he missed Jack. If only Jack could've stayed at the SGC. Daniel took a swig of water. For that matter if only Vala hadn't come through with that bracelet thing, _he _could've been in Atlantis by now! _If you were in Atlantis, you never would've seen Janet again._ A voice whispered in the back of his mind. Daniel froze, and then slowly lowered the bottle from his lips. _Janet._ The name seemed to be hovering in front of his eyes, taunting him with the variety of meanings which came from it. His doctor, his friend, his…love. Daniel shook his head, trying to free himself from the memories.

Resolutely he finished off the water, threw the bottle away, and began preparing for bed. _She was the biggest hearted person you've ever met._ The voice inside him said. _She saw you at your worst, at the lowest points in your life, and still she accepted you as a true friend and confident. _Putting on the boxers and tee he wore to sleep in, Daniel scowled and replied to himself. _Yes, as a friend. That's all it was. _Undeterred the little voice continued. _But it could have been more…_

Daniel pulled his covers up over him and turned on his side, firmly closing his eyes and ready for a deep dreamless sleep. But such repose was not to be.

It seemed scarcely had he closed his eyes then an image of Janet appeared. Not the Janet he had seen today, healthy and vibrant despite the imminent peril to her reality, but the cold, dead form of Janet Frasier who had died while on a mission of mercy. _No. _ He pushed the memory away and tried to focus on a happy one. _The look on Sha're's face the first time I tried to weave_- _No!_ But it was too late; a fresh wave of pain arose in Daniel. His eyes flew open and he sat up. It was five years since she had been killed, and nearly nine since he had first lost her, yet the pain was still there. _Time heals all wounds my ass_. He lay back down on his back and tried to think of nothing at all. Breathing deep and practicing the meditation techniques Teal'c had taught him seemed to help a bit, but the thought of Teal'c only led to more memories of his time with the Stargate. Most of the happiest times in Daniel's life had been shared with his teammates on SG-1, but tonight all the specters of the past seemed bound to torment Daniel. The faces of those lost in the line of duty passed before him. He saw himself holding the charred form of Vala in his arms after she had been burned alive before him. Images of Jack, Sam and Teal'c lying injured, ill, and near death in the infirmary came to his minds eye. He recalled the pale face of Cameron Mitchell as he forced himself to relive the memory of killing innocent people.

_Why do you do it? _The little voice asked. _You've suffered so much. Why go back every day to the SGC? It's different now. Jack's not there any more, the Goa'uld are defeated, and Sha're is lost forever. You can't go to Atlantis now. What is there left for you to do?_ Daniel tossed and turned in his bed, and tried to reason with himself. _Because of my actions the Orii know about our galaxy! It's my responsibility to at least try and find a way to eliminate that threat! And besides, there is _always_ more to learn, who knows what else is out there?_ Daniel buried his face in his pillow. His argument was weak and he knew it. _Vala was right. It's human nature to be curious; it's not your fault. Let someone else find the solution. You've only saved the world now, what, 9 times? Isn't it time you took a break?_ "No!" Daniel's muffled voice exclaimed. "No! Leave me alone, let me sleep! I don't need this!"

The insidious voice took a different tact. _Leave you alone? Perhaps that is what you need, isn't it. After all, you don't seem to be doing much good for SG-1. Maybe it would be better for everyone if you just stayed out of the way, alone in your office with all your little scraps of paper and broken stones. Sam and Cameron seem to have things well under control, and after all, your little expedition to another galaxy did result in the greatest threat mankind has ever faced. Being alone is all you've ever known, isn't it. Sure you had some good times with Sam, Jack, and Teal'c, but they all go away, eventually. Jack's gone; Sam and Teal'c have other responsibilities now. They're back for the moment, yes, but how long do you think they'll stick around? Everyone you've ever loved has gone away…_

Daniel sat bolt upright in bed. He held his aching head in his hands and moaned quietly. He groped with one hand for the aspirin he'd put on the bedside table and tossed them down with a drink of water from the nearby glass. This had been a relatively tame day at the SGC! Why was he so…out of it? No one had actively tried to kill him, and he hadn't even gotten roughed up like Mitchell had! _Why are you tormenting me?_ He asked of the voice in his head. It didn't respond to the demand, but the whispering continued. _You've always been alone, even when there are people around. No one really understands you…_ "No, you're wrong." Unconscious of the fact that he was speaking aloud to an empty room, Daniel got up and reached for the phone.


	2. A Phone call

Author's Note: The title of this story changed, as you may have noticed the heading for Chapter One was **What Dreams May Come**. On further consideration I decided to go with the title **Spectre of the Past, Vision of the Future**, a title admittedly stolen from Timothy Zahn's two Star Wars novels of those names. At any rate, I don't have a title for this chapter, so if you have any ideas, let me know!

p.s. I know it's short, but be patient! There's more to come!

* * *

Sam said goodbye to the cheerful guard at the last checkpoint at the Cheyenne Mountain Complex and headed home. Despite all their previous experiences with alternate realities and duplicates, 18 Samantha Carters was far too many no matter what the circumstances. Flipping through the radio stations, Sam smiled when she caught the last aria from an Italian opera on the classical station. Hearing opera always made her think of Jack O'Neill. Jack would have gone nuts with all the Carters to boss around. Her grin faded a bit when she remembered the varied conversations she'd overheard around the base about her alternate selves. "..returned from her honeymoon…" "…on maternity leave…" "…seeing someone…" She hadn't been able to get a straight answer out of _anyone_. However, she couldn't get it out of her mind that there had only been one Jack O'Neill to come through the gate, though she hadn't gotten the chance to talk to him at all. From their previous experiences with alternate universes, it all seemed to point to one particular solution... 

Forcing her errant thoughts to the back of her mind, she pulled up in front of her house and began to fix a quick snack for herself. She had been cleaning up the lab and jotting down a few notes after the days confusion, and she only now realized how late it was. _Nearly midnight! I guess I missed dinner. That's usually Daniel's prerogative._ Thinking of Daniel made her think about her other best friend. The one who she'd never expected to see again. Sam smiled as she recalled the brief interlude she had with Janet. True, it wasn't her Janet, but it was close enough to be comfort in such a stressful and confusing situation as they had found themselves in. _If only…_Sam quickly squashed that line of reflection. "If only"s led to pain and depression, and she should be happy for the brief time she'd had to talk with her old friends. That being said, the pain of losing Janet and Martouf was renewed as Sam had watched them walk through the Stargate back to their own universes.

After eating her abbreviated dinner, and putting everything away, Sam finally climbed into her bed at a quarter to one. She took a couple of ibuprofen for a headache, thinking, _after resolving the fate of seventy-two people in a single day, I'm getting off lightly with only a slight headache to show for it! _ Sam glanced at the phone on her nightstand and thought about calling Jack, to tell him about all the wackiness he'd missed out on, but realized it might seem like gloating if she were to call at this time of night. Though she had to admit…having all those Daniels and Camerons around was like walking into the finest sweet shop around. Talk about your eye candy….

And with that pleasant thought, Sam fell asleep.

Seemingly only moments later, she was woken by the ring of her telephone. She glanced at the clock on her night table, and the glowing digital numbers read 2:00. _Who on earth..? _ She picked up the phone with an irate and slightly groggy "Yes?"

"Sam? Um…I really need to talk to you."

"Daniel? It's two o'clock in the morning! Can't this wait?"

"Uhh, no, no not really. Please Sam…"

Something in Daniel's voice made her pause, but she was too tired to fully comprehend the meaning of his words and tone. "Well, can you just tell me now, so I can go back to sleep?"

"Actually…look, I know this is asking a lot, but I need you to come over here."

When she looked back on this conversation later that morning, Sam would realize that she had missed the obvious signs. Daniel rarely _needed_ anything. He would ask for help on a project, and tell people what they had to do, but Sam could count on one hand all the times he'd said he _needed_ something. And none of them were in good or safe situations.

"Daniel. It's two am, I just got to sleep, and we have a debriefing tomorrow at 0800. I'll talk to you then. Good night." And with only a flicker of guilt, Sam hung up. _He'll be fine. He's probably just remembered something about some ancient text he was researching. I promise I'll give it my full attention in the morning. After dealing with the mess we've just been through, we need all the rest we can get!_


	3. What Dreams May Come

A/N: Here's another short chapter for y'all. Enjoy! (And don't worry, this isn't an AU story. At least not in that way. You'll see!)

(oh yeah, none of it's mine, so don't sue me.)

* * *

Sam woke up that morning, and it wasn't until she'd begun on breakfast that she remembered the odd phone call of the night before. Her conscience kicked in, and the guilt she'd been able to push aside the night before arose in full force. _I'll call Daniel now._ She decided. She got no answer on either his land line or his cell. She left a message on both, but a strange feeling of foreboding had come over her. She left her house a little earlier than usual; deciding she would swing by Daniel's place, just to make sure he wasn't sick, or so mad at her that he would skip work. _Those are the weakest excuses I've ever made, even to myself! _Sam mused, but the sick little feeling in the pit of her stomach demanded that she check out his apartment anyway. 

A block away from the apartment building, Sam saw the flash of ambulance lights at the side of the road. Her heart stopped for a moment, and Sam felt her blood go cold. _Oh no. God, no. Please, let this not be about Daniel. _She could imagine far too many scenarios to explain the disturbance, but try as she might, the feeling that Daniel was at the heart of it refused to go away. She sped up the street without realizing she had increased pressure on the gas pedal. Her worse fears seemed answered as she pulled up a few feet away from the ambulance and police cars in the parking lot of Daniel's building. She tried to calm herself down. _It's alright. It's fine. Daniel probably already left for Cheyenne Mountain, this has nothing to do with him. _But Sam couldn't lie to herself.

She got out of her car and walked towards a group of people who were standing around talking amongst themselves. She saw them glance over occasionally at a sheet covered form being attended to by the emergency response personnel. She didn't speak until she was near enough to have a quiet conversation. Even then, it took her a minute to gather her courage and ask "what happened?" desperately dreading the answer.

"Oh, it's terrible!" One older woman replied, wringing her hands. "Someone's jumped off a balcony" another lady added. "Sad business, very sad," commented a middle aged man, with his hands in his pockets. "I've got a son only a bit younger than him myself." A young man holding a woman tightly in his arms shuddered. "He must have been so unhappy. Who could imagine he'd take his own life?"

Sam could hardly force the next words through her lips. "Who…who was it?" Inside, she already knew the answer. _Oh God, oh God what have I done!_

An elderly gentleman answered her kindly. "Ah, he was that nice young scholar, lived on the fourth floor. Dr. Daniel Jackson."

A weaker woman than Samantha Carter would have passed out at that moment. A more foolish one would have burst into hysterics. But Sam was neither weak nor foolish. She was an officer in the United States Air Force. After her initial shock at the pronouncement, she slipped behind the mask of her rank, and let Colonel Carter take over. The colonel walked over to the emergency response people and asked them about the body. She asked whether it needed to be identified, and what the procedure was to put it away until it could be buried. Then she called General Landry and informed him, in the coldest voice he'd ever heard, that Dr. Jackson was dead. She requested that Generals Hammond and O'Neill be told as well.

And inside, she was screaming. Wailing, and sobbing, crying as her heart broke into a million pieces.

"No! God, no! I can't lose him again! Not like this!" Sam woke up sobbing into her pillow. Tears covered her face, and the fabric beneath her head was wet. Slowly the crying stopped, and she sat up wiping her face. Could it, might it all have been a dream? She looked at the clock. 2 am. She felt the blow like a physical pain. He had called her at this time, before. And she had blown him off when he needed her most. Sam covered her face with her hands. No, it was too real to be simply a dream. She had failed her closest friend. And as a consequence, he now lay dead in a morgue somewhere. She lay back down and closed her eyes, letting her sadness wash over her. Exhausted by the emotions and tears, she fell back asleep.


	4. I Need You

Here you go! Here is the final chapter! See, I told you it would all work out! (I wrote this at 3 am so if there are any mistakes, I apologize. Also, hasn't been beta'd) None of it's mine and I have no money so don't sue. Thanks for reading!

* * *

Daniel got up and reached for the phone. _I am not alone. _ He dialed quickly, the numbers coming automatically to his fingers. 

"Sorry to wake you Sam, but it's important."

The harsh ring of a telephone woke Sam up. She felt tears on her face, and there was a weight on her heart that she couldn't identify. Still half asleep she picked up the phone.

"Daniel? What time is it?"

"Sorry to wake you Sam, but it's important."

Sam glanced at the digital clock by her bed. "Daniel it's 2:30 am. I-" She stopped as the meaning of the tears and emotional pain became clear. "Oh my God." She couldn't remember specifics, only that in a recent dream Daniel had died and it was somehow tied to a 2 am phone call.

"Sam, Sam what is it. What's the matter?" She could hear his concern in his voice.

"It's nothing." Sam took a deep breath. Whatever happened, it was just a dream. It wasn't real. "Why are you calling?"

"Uhh…" He paused, and for a moment the line was silent. "I…I really need to talk to you Sam."

Sam felt a shiver go down her back as she heard those words. _"I really need to talk to you." _ She proceeded cautiously, afraid of what she couldn't fully remember. "Daniel, it's the middle of the night. But you might as well tell me now."

"Would you mind….that is, I know it's late…or early…but I really…I really don't want to be alone right now." Daniel's voice was hesitant, and it got quieter at the end of his sentence, so that Sam almost had to strain to hear the last words.

What she heard scared her more than any jaffa army or super soldier could. It sounded almost like Daniel was…suicidal. And Daniel wasn't that kind of a person! The only time he'd even considered suicide was when he was under the influence of alien technology. This was not like him.

"Daniel, I'll be right over, okay? Don't…..don't go anywhere." Sam replied. She made Daniel promise that he wouldn't do anything until she got there, and then hung up the phone.

Daniel hung up the phone, bemused by Sam's reaction. They'd known each other for 9 years, and had been in almost every desperate situation imaginable. And yet, he could have sworn he heard fear in her voice just before she hung up. Sam wasn't afraid of anything. _Unlike you._ The little voice piped up once again. This time, Daniel refused to let it get to him. He wasn't alone. He had the best friend anyone could ask for. Who'd come over in the middle of the night just to talk. _I am afraid of things. But I work through it, and I don't let it paralyze me. I am afraid of things. But I work through it, and I don't let it paralyze me._ The voice tried a different angle of attack. _Are you sure Sam is coming? After all, she might have just been saying those things to make you leave her alone. _"No. I trust her." _She'll probably just leave. Like Janet, like Sha're._ "They didn't leave! They didn't have a choice!" _Janet had a choice. She chose to go back through the Stargate, to her universe. Leaving you. _

Daniel got up and paced around his apartment, arguing with the pessimistic voice in the back of his mind. Finally he sank down on the couch and put his head in his hands. The little voice was always there, but tonight it was louder and more persistent than usual.

Finally, just when Daniel was beginning to doubt whether or not Sam was actually coming, there was a knock at his door.

"Sam!" He opened the door with a look of relief on his face.

"Daniel, are you okay?" Sam stepped into his apartment and hugged him tightly.

He hugged her in return, and shut the door. "I am now." He said under his breath.

"Sam, I don't know how to say thank you for coming." He led her into the living room and they sat on the couch.

"Daniel, please, I'm glad I can help. Really." She smiled at him.

They sat and talked about everything that had happened at the SGC, and Daniel got very quiet when Sam mentioned Janet.

Sam noticed the look on his face, and gently reached out to place a hand on his shoulder. "Daniel, I…" She shrugged miserably. "I miss her too." Feeling tears well up in her eyes; Sam looked down, and brushed them away with her free hand.

Daniel looked at her, saw the tears, and instinctively pulled her close for a long, comforting hug.

They sat like that for several minutes, each with their own particular sorrows and thoughts. Daniel opened his eyes after awhile, and through the tears and blurry vision, realized the VCR clock read 3:59. He didn't want to let go of Sam, or the comfort she provided, but they did have to go to work tomorrow…well, later today.

"Sam, we should probably get some sleep."

"Yes." Sam gently pulled back, and looked at the man who knew her almost as well as she knew herself. "Show me where the bed is." She said with a small smile.

Daniel got up and led her to the bedroom. "Here you go. I'll take the couch."

"No." Sam caught Daniel's arm as he headed towards the living room. "We can both sleep in the bed." She saw his look of confusion and disbelief. "I'm not talking about sex, Daniel." She looked into his crystal blue eyes and took his hand in hers. "I just don't want to be alone, either." She finished softly.

Daniel climbed into bed after her, and wrapped his arms around her. "Thank you, Sam."

She leaned back against him, and sighed, remembering a different scenario she had experienced earlier this same night. "I should be thanking you. Before you called I had a…_very_ disturbing dream." She twisted around suddenly and looked him in the eye. "Promise me you won't die again."

He looked at her quizzically, but didn't question the odd request. "Sam, I promise you I have no intention of leaving this plane of existence any time soon. I fully intend to remain alive for as long as possible."

"I knew that. I just needed to hear it from you." Sam murmured. "Thank you. Thank you for being you."

Daniel smiled bemusedly into her hair. "You're welcome."


End file.
